So.. I went last Sunday on Oct. 3 and it was eye-opening, plus I cried like a million times and heard stories from mothers and sisters who have lost their daughters and loved ones, it was very saddening to hear.  They wore t-shirts full of support and understanding, the only disappointment was not seeing more women of color who either had an eating disorder or there for support.. I was literally counting the african american women and men that were there.  The only african american women who was there who actually suffered from an eating disorder is the actress Karla Mosley who is fully recovered (whoo hoo!!! *claps*).  I thought it was amazing to hear her story and she gave me her email address to speak with her if I ever needed anyone to talk to.. since my parents don't understand and neither do my friends, It was nice to hear from people who did.  I also saw Jenni Schaefer who sang a song about being a better woman after fully recovering from an eating disorder.  Also Diana Williams was there as an ambassador given that her daughter was also an eating disorder sufferer and is now fully recovered.  It was nice to talk to people who honestly could say "I have been there".  I hope to attend next year and wish that there was more support on a larger level than it is, while there was sponsors; I felt the support should have been on a bigger plateau such as breast cancer and such. It made me desperately recover but there is tiny part of me which is the size of the empire state building that cannot break away.

Same old.  My tooth on the left side of my mouth is getting a little loose but I am scared to go to the dentist because of what they would ask me or say... really scared.  I scheduled an assessment with Renfrew next week but I honestly don't know if I am going to go since I am scared.  What will they say to me?  What will they ask?  Will this honestly help?  I need to breathe heavily for the next week or so.. How is everyone else.  I am really worried for a certain girl who just went into inpatient treatment and I hope she is doing well.  I really know where she is coming from so I hope she can come out of this a better person.  Anyways going out to see my friend will update later because I have so much more to say.  

Edit:

I have been applying to so many jobs lately and am excited if I get the one I want.. I am going to start taking these college classes but I cannot choose which one.  My father said to me yesterday " I am going to give you some money to go outside because I cannot stand to see you at home everyday sketching"  "When I was 20 years old, I was outside partying everyday".. GUESS WHAT?  I don't want to go out and dance up to some sweaty guy who is trying to get a rub and tug.  It's really irritating because the guys are so gross.  I would honestly rather starve all day and then binge before 11.  By bingeing I mean, eating a whole meal.. and dessert.  Its going to be a full week by tomorrow until I go to my appointment.. I can't stop thinking about what they will be asking in the assessment and what will the diagnosis be?  Will the diagnosis go into my medical records?  Holy shit I need to breathe.  My best friend likes me ALOT but the feeling is not mutual and I honestly think I am starting to become attracted to women more so than men but maybe that's because I have not gotten laid in a year and six months.. I am seriously horny.  The only problem is that no one wants me, I am waaaay to fat for someone to want to be with me or even have the desire of want for me.  I really hope everyone is having a great summer because mine sucks.. I am living with my father, can't stop eating ice cream and my clothes keep getter looser every time I put them on.  It would make me happier any other time but now I don't have much money to buy new clothes, so now I look like one of those rappers who wear baggy jeans and I HATE baggy jeans on a man... it looks sloppy and gross.

BTW, I just noticed I am not friends with a certain xanga member.  I don't know what I did to you but I am sorry if I offended you.

Have an amazing weekend.